K2 - LEGAL Marijuana?

Steady buzz has been floating among many of us, but more importantly about the recent creation of K2, otherwise known as legal synthetic marijuana. Naturally, the new product has been causing all sorts of indigestion with the fuzz, conservative legislators and [insert anti-drug group here], but many tokers are looking at this as a godsend!

Otherwise referred to as "the business man's smoke," K2 is said to produce a high that provides a great case of the giggles, and doesn't leave you drooling from the mouth / slightly retarded for the remainder of the day. Another plus (in some situations) is that it is stench free, which would have been really beneficial to me during the time spent under the bleachers in between classes in high school (juuust kidding, kind of). While some have even reported hallucinating off of K2, I just think they're pussies and have never had a real trip before. Something has to go seriously wrong to obtain hallucinogenic effects from this product.

The obvious question many of you are asking about the product is "yeah, but does it really work?" The short, simple answer = Yes (allegedly).

Too good to be true? It may vary for different people - but you'll just have to go buy your own stash and form your own opinion.

Note: DO NOT buy this product online. Many local retailers now sell this product, and the majority of online distributors will sell you a fake product (hence maybe some of those hallucinations... wait, maybe you should look online instead?).

Finally, some kill that gives you a high and won't show up in your hair or on a pee test! Next time you're running low, your dealer is out of town, or you can't stand another minute of your kid's t-ball game without a dragon rip to the head, you might as well trot on up to your local head shop and snag a bag of legal dank for about $15.

Enjoy a brief, mild, safe, legal, untraceable journey, all you smokers out there!

The Sounds of Seattle

The Sounds of Seattle is a multi-band (kinda) tribute to Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Alice in Chains that came into town on Friday. I bought several tickets expecting it to just be a good time to hear some great throwback songs and have a few beers if nothing else. Little did I know that the show would exceed any and all expectations I had. 

Thinking that the show would consist of 3 different bands, there were actually only six members who morphed into three bands: Bleed the Freak (Alice in Chains), Badmotorfinger (Soundgarden), and Ten (Pearl Jam), who's lead singer channeled Eddie Vedder so well that a blind man would swear it was him.

(Howard (lead guitar), Mike (bassist), Nick (Pearl Jam lead singer)) 

(Shane- lead singer for Soundgarden)

One reason the show was even more enjoyable was because we managed to score front row center spots, and then stuck around and (ahem) met the band afterwards. Nice, hot, and smily guys. If these dudes are in town next year (which they will be, according to Howard), I'll definitely be first in line.

(Mike and Howard)

(Ray on drums)

(Howard (aka SMILES McGee) and Shane)

(Howard and Shane)

(Nick and Shane after the show)

(Mike and some groupie... oh wait, that's me)

I'll spare everyone the rest of the pictures of me with the band where I'm over-smiling and my eyes are practically closed. 
What an amazing night.

Fortune Cookies

Dear Fortune Cookie,

Despite my sweet and sour shrimp being delicious, you are the highlight of my meal - not because you are tasty (in fact, you taste remarkably like the bread of Christ given at Communion), but because the mystery you hold as to what's in store for my remarkably plain life gives me something to look forward to. I chew through your tasteless exterior as fast as possible, barely containing my anticipation to read those 10 words of fate and see the lucky numbers on the opposite side to choose on my next Lotto ticket (because we all know, you have to eat the cookie THEN read the fortune, or it won't come true).

At least that's how it's always been.

Ahem, lately, you haven't been giving me a fortune at all. Rather, you have been providing me with trite sayings, or common quotes that are even misspelled half of the time. Only months ago, I received a fortune cookie that said "breakfast is the most important meal of the day," but it was written in Spanish. Should I be upset that it was a shitty saying and not a fortune, or the fact that Texas now has so many Mexicans that even Chinese restaurants are catering to them? Perhaps by 2012 there will even be traveling Chinese trucks to overcompensate for the high demand, which will of course eventually lead to a revolutionary war between the Taco Trucks and the Chinese Trucks in 2015. Or even worse, instead of a war, what if the awful idea of Mexican/Chinese fusion food was born (e.g. sweet and sour burritos)? Come on, now- What would General Tso say about all of this?

Look, if I wanted a lame quote, especially in a different language, I'd search the Internet for one and plug it in to Google Translate. I'd honestly rather receive bad news, something even along the lines of "You're going to be a failure in life" because then at least I'd know what lays in the road ahead. At least that would be a fortune.

Fortune Cookie, your insides used to be perceived as a gift, an exciting phenomenon that was never questioned or doubted. Now you've gone so downhill that all I can picture when I read your messages is some wall-eyed fraggle sitting in a dark basement admiring his genius for coming up with "smiling makes people happy." Way to earn that minimum wage, fraggle. I don't blame you, I blame whoever is paying you.

Alas, I haven't given up all hope, nor will your lack of fortune deter me from enjoying a fine Asian meal.  Perhaps I should be more upset and concerned that I haven't had good fortune with fortune cookies.

Cheers to being persistent and keeping fraggles financially afloat.

People Who Eat Alone

I have always been one of those people that have never had a problem doing things alone. Even when I was in college surrounded by endless amounts of people my own age, sometimes I needed that "me" time to go see a movie by myself, or go shopping, or pick up some dinner, etc. However, for some reason whenever I see someone doing something alone, especially someone that is eating alone in a restaurant, my heart breaks.

If that person is an old man, I even tear up at the thought of their life. Last night a friend and I went to grab a bit to eat at Shanghai River and a middle-aged man came in and got a table for one. He looked so lonely and I almost went up to him to say hi, but he probably would have been insulted by that gesture. All too often I have too much compassion for people that don't need or want it. I can't help but make up these complex stories (sometimes morbid) in my head of why this person is there and what they are feeling. 

Maybe his wife died in a terrible car accident and this used to be their favorite place to go for dinner. Maybe to avoid coming home to an empty house he likes to stay out and fill up his time eating at restaurants and watching everyone else enjoy their evening, eavesdrop on conversations, etc. Maybe his family is back at home and he is living here temporarily for work. Maybe he's getting stood up on a first (or second) date. I wonder what he does for a living.  Does he have children? If so, do they get along, do they keep in touch?

Odds are, that man was perfectly happy eating his Kung Pao chicken a la carte for one. He probably just likes to people watch. Maybe he has a loving family back at home and his wife was out playing Bunco. Or maybe his wife was hosting Bunco and she kicked him out of the house until 10 pm so she and her friends could brag about their children, scream obnoxiously loud on a good roll, and bitch about their men not helping out around the house. Or maybe something did happen to the one he loved, but he was coping with it just fine and dining out on a Thursday night was his regular routine. 

That's a lot of maybes. The old men are the ones that truly get to me. Old women as well, but there is more of a fear that I will end up alone like them than there is compassion for their situation.

These are all unfair thoughts, because I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me when I am out doing things by myself. If someone wanted to sit with me and have a conversation, I would find it quite odd, although depending on my mood at the time, it would be welcome. Sometimes my compassion gets the best of me. All too often I get so upset at the thought of something fictitiously blown out of proportion when I have no idea what the reality of the situation is.

Maybe mister Wal-Mart greeter has millions and just wants something to occupy his time. Perhaps the elementary crossing guard just enjoys the exercise and keeping people safe. It could be that the elderly woman who takes a morning stroll with her cane through River Oaks every morning is too much of a speed demon for her husband to keep up.

Although I feel my compassion is an important quality to have, it's time I start giving people the benefit of the doubt.