I love you, Diane

I don't know what rock you live under if you haven't ever seen MTV's Fat Camp, but if you are deprived of viewing this gem, please fix that immediately. It's one of Rachel and I's favorite documentaries that MTV has ever made, and we know it's mean, but it truly is hysterical.


The star of the show is a nice young lady by the name of Diane, who refuses to take showers, sprains her ankle by falling out of a chair, and avoids her workouts by going to the nurses office on a daily basis (FYI: the nurse happens to be her mother). 


There's really not very much more I can say to express my gratitude to the laughter this show has provided me. Assuming you'd like the cliff notes to accommodate your busy schedule, here is the best of Diane:





You're welcome.

Christmas is Over

I always get so depressed when Christmas is over. There is such a big buildup that the feeling when it's over is emptiness and "let-down." My mom always says that she likes it because it means that a fresh new year is on the horizon, but I don't particularly enjoy January - September... which now that I type that, that is terrible. It gets better once January is over, I think.
The good news is that I am off work for another whole week, which I could not be more grateful for. I really need the time to recharge my batteries and disconnect for a while.

On Dec 23 I went over to Ashley's parent's house for her mom's birthday. All of her immediate family and their family friends were there, and it took me the whole night to follow who belonged to which family, but it was a lot of fun - I'm so thankful she invited me, and I had more fun than I ever imagined. I also got to meet my future husband, aka Ashley's brother, who was REAL cute. It's more of a joke though, really (well, not really, but really...).

I was in no condition to drive home, so I stayed at their house and woke up at 7 am. I put on my boots and tried to quietly sneak out of the house, but their back gate was locked, thus locking me into the house. When I opened the back door, I tried to make their cat stay inside, but it slipped through my legs and went out. Their other cat is outside all the time, so I didn't think it was too much of a big deal. I went back to the room I stayed in and worried about the cat, and just sat there until Ashley's mom woke up and came into the room.

I told her I was unable to leave and asked her if it was alright that their cat went outside. "ummm, no..." she said. I got a sinking feeling... did I really just let their family pet into the wild? What if it never came back? She insisted that I go on home and was really sweet about it, but I could tell she was nervous and I felt terrible and refused to leave until we found it. I prayed to myself that we would find it at all...
Luckily I spotted it behind the garage and her mom took it inside while I made sure that Ned, Austin's dog, didn't run off. I hopped in my car and drove home feeling relieved that I didn't ruin the Sullivan's XMas by loss of a beloved cat.

The hangover from going to Crown Town kicked in severely but I promised my mom I would go over there earlier than usual on Christmas eve to help setup the TV she bought my dad for the living room. FINALLY they got rid of their huge, outdated dinosaur TV. Later that evening we got to church late so we had to stand the whole time, which didn't make for a very pleasant experience in my uncomfortable shoes. Then my mom's whole side of the family came over to my parents house as usual, and we had a blast. My brother, my cousin, my father, and myself stayed up until 3 am determined to kill the largest bottle of Belvedere I've ever seen. We were successful in this goal, to our detriment on Christmas morning. Two nights in a row proved to be too much.

Santa came, and I was lucky enough to get the new iPhone 4, some gift certificates to Target and Texas Art Supply, a blank journal, 7 bottles of wine (I promise I'm not an alcoholic... only on the holidays), and 2 pairs of Tory Burch shoes - a pair of flats and a pair of heels. Santa also helped pay for my mattress that I got in October, which was the main present. I feel completely spoiled and grateful, and am loving everything!

I feel successful in the gifts I got everyone in my family. I bought my brother several months of NetFlix, and my brother and I got my mom a new purse and the new Kindle 3G, and my father a huge gift certificate to Academy (the only thing he ever seems to want).  It sounds trite, but I am so fortunate to love my family as much as I do - they are so fun to spend time with.

Now I need to start thinking about my New Year's resolutions and looking for positive things to do even though the holiday fun is officially over...

Party in the USA

We knew it was only a matter of time before a camera caught Miley Cyrus with her mouth wrapped around something long and cylindrical. However, the last thing we thought it would be was a bong. We share in your disappointment, Billy Ray.

Fortunately, the harmonizing hayseed wasn't puffing on the forbidden Mary Jane, but rather Salvia, a psychoactive plant that makes you trip balls and inexplicably film friends doing the same.
Is Salvia a sacred leaf that binds mind and spirit into a mystical realm of higher understanding, or is it another havoc wreaking party drug? Up to you. One known side effect? It's been a pain in Miley's ass.

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States have enacted legislation to place regulatory controls on Salvia divinorum and/or salvinorin A as of February, 2010. Still legal in most of the U.S., it is sold on the web and in head shops up to 120 times its natural potency. Makes you yearn for the simpler times when kids huffed rubber cement.

I am 100 percent in favor of the intelligent use of drugs, and 1,000 percent against the thoughtless use of them, whether caffeine or LSD.

Timothy Leary

desultory

adj.     wavering, unsteady, erratic.

Used in a sentence: Much like midget porn, Salvia has a highly desultory effect on its users.

Maybe twenty years from now Salvia will be effectively used to treat Alzheimer's or chronic pain, provided the bureaucrats don't kill the drug's medicinal potential after Miley let the cat out of the bag. Thanks for ruining the magical underground herb that's a legal trip (for now). However, I will say, Kudos to Miley (or i suppose her friend) for playing some Bush in the background. At least someone with shitty taste in music has friends that don't.

Ke$ha was just as sexy in high school

Some people wonder why Ke$ha wears so much glitter and paint and all these distractions. Those people clearly haven’t seen her yearbook photo from Brentwood High School (go Bruins!), about 20 minutes south of Nashville. Maybe it’s because the picture is a grainy black and white, but she looks like Nosferatu. I’m scared to even turn around right now. I feel like, because I opened this picture, she might be behind me.

(to be honest this is sort of surprising because she looked way better when her family hosted paris hilton and nicole richie on ‘the simple life’.)