Inappropriate Fruit

We all have weird eating habits when it comes to certain tastes, food groups, strange snacks, etc. at certain points in our lives. But when someone feels the need to continually lecture others about their eating habits and constantly provide unwarranted advice about what's healthy and what's not, it's just freaking obnoxious.

I don't care that skipping lunch isn't good for you, I don't care that having a Diet Cherry Coke rots my insides, I don't want to watch you eat entire tupperware containers full of broccoli (and see half of it still on your face an hour later), and I especially don't want to hear about your extra fiber in your oatmeal every morning to assist your morning shit. Not to mention that all of this is disclosed in one of the most obnoxious, ear piercing voices known to man.

So, my nutritious co-worker, in celebration of your healthy habits, I arranged the fruit on your desk as a sign of my admiration of you and your  wholesome fixations: