Fortune Cookies

Dear Fortune Cookie,

Despite my sweet and sour shrimp being delicious, you are the highlight of my meal - not because you are tasty (in fact, you taste remarkably like the bread of Christ given at Communion), but because the mystery you hold as to what's in store for my remarkably plain life gives me something to look forward to. I chew through your tasteless exterior as fast as possible, barely containing my anticipation to read those 10 words of fate and see the lucky numbers on the opposite side to choose on my next Lotto ticket (because we all know, you have to eat the cookie THEN read the fortune, or it won't come true).

At least that's how it's always been.

Ahem, lately, you haven't been giving me a fortune at all. Rather, you have been providing me with trite sayings, or common quotes that are even misspelled half of the time. Only months ago, I received a fortune cookie that said "breakfast is the most important meal of the day," but it was written in Spanish. Should I be upset that it was a shitty saying and not a fortune, or the fact that Texas now has so many Mexicans that even Chinese restaurants are catering to them? Perhaps by 2012 there will even be traveling Chinese trucks to overcompensate for the high demand, which will of course eventually lead to a revolutionary war between the Taco Trucks and the Chinese Trucks in 2015. Or even worse, instead of a war, what if the awful idea of Mexican/Chinese fusion food was born (e.g. sweet and sour burritos)? Come on, now- What would General Tso say about all of this?

Look, if I wanted a lame quote, especially in a different language, I'd search the Internet for one and plug it in to Google Translate. I'd honestly rather receive bad news, something even along the lines of "You're going to be a failure in life" because then at least I'd know what lays in the road ahead. At least that would be a fortune.

Fortune Cookie, your insides used to be perceived as a gift, an exciting phenomenon that was never questioned or doubted. Now you've gone so downhill that all I can picture when I read your messages is some wall-eyed fraggle sitting in a dark basement admiring his genius for coming up with "smiling makes people happy." Way to earn that minimum wage, fraggle. I don't blame you, I blame whoever is paying you.

Alas, I haven't given up all hope, nor will your lack of fortune deter me from enjoying a fine Asian meal.  Perhaps I should be more upset and concerned that I haven't had good fortune with fortune cookies.

Cheers to being persistent and keeping fraggles financially afloat.